Hello Winter

Winter comes early and often times hard in Colorado. This week we've experienced a wide range of weather patterns from record highs on Monday to freezing and snow tonight and all through out tomorrow. It's all well and good, anyone who lives here knows to expect the unexpected from the weather.

As much fun as sitting by my window watching the first snow of the season can be, the drastic change in weather is aggravating some of my previously dormant MS issues. I have a feeling that no matter how far into remission I get, I will probably always experience some MS related issues that goes along with drastic changes in weather, especially from hot to cold. My body does not react well to sudden changes.

Good-Bye Dr. M

I do not like my current neurologist. Honestly I've never liked her; from the moment she first stepped into the exam room she and I didn't click. First she was judgmental about my weight, then indifferent to how I was feeling when it came to the pain and neuropathy, and finally she doesn't listen to my issues around the medication. The list can go on and on, but those are the main issues.

Now, you could ask why, if I never liked her, have I stayed with her practice for two years?

Good question... The answer would probably be that I don't like going to see doctors in general, so I've never really put too much effort in finding ones I like. Sometimes I'm lucky and I find a great doctor with out trying very hard, such as our family physician. Other times I'm indifferent because I will honestly avoid going to see a doctor, even one I like, unless it is absolutely necessary. I guess it didn't occur to me when I was first experiencing the MS symptoms that I would have to find a doctor I could live with for over the long haul, all I cared about at the time was figuring what was going on and how to stop it.

Getting my groove back

Back in winter 2010 when I had my massive relapse, we had to turn my art/writing room into a makeshift bedroom because at that time I was having issues getting up and down the stairs safely. We had to breakdown my work table and rearrange all the furniture to make room for a bed. I had to move most of my art supplies to the basement thinking that I wasn't going to be able to use them anymore. The whole thing was just depressing.

Oktoberfest Triathlon

So, I've completed my second and final triathlon of the year! I'm super proud of myself that I've been able to do so much these past several months. Starting with Bike MS, continuing with Boulder Sunset Triathlon and ending with Oktoberfest. I think that I've done well for myself but it's time to tone things down for a while. Not that I can't compete but I don't think my bank account can handle any more registration fees and equipment costs.

It's expensive to be this athletic.

MS can just suck it!

One of the things I was thinking about yesterday during the triathlon was how I was getting back at MS for what it had done to me. For a year and a half I had to endure not knowing what to expect from day to day or even hour to hour. Things would change and I would have to adjust and suck it up.

On Saturday I had the upper hand because I was the one changing things up without notice, shocking my body going from one thing to the next. It would get used to doing one thing then BAM! we were off doing something else. It was gratifying, almost like give MS a taste of it's own medicine. I was the one in control and my body was going to have to suck it up and like it.

Boulder Sunset Triathlon: I can't believe I did the WHOLE thing!

Actually, yes I can believe it, there was no question I wouldn't compete the triathlon, but looking back it's still pretty amazing. The triathlon was so much fun! I know, a crazy thing to say about an even that has you swimming, cycling AND running back to back but it really wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be.

The swimming part was the one I was most anxious about, mostly because I had little to no experience swimming in open water and it was going to be a constant 1/2 mile instead of the normal back and forth in a pool. Once I got used to the open water, and past the wakes of the jet skis that were rescuing people who couldn't make the swim, I started to get a good stride and a good strategy going. By the end of the swim I'd hit that sweet spot where I was just going without having to think too much about what I was doing outside of sighting in order to stay on course. Unfortunately, that was about the time the 1/2 mile was over and it was time to jump on my bike.

Boulder Sunset Triathlon: T-minus 20 hours and counting

I'm getting everything in order for the Boulder Sunset Triathlon. This evening I went down to Boulder and picked up my race packet which included an ankle strap with a chip attached to it to track my time, my bib for the riding and running phases, and finally got my body marked with my number so for when I swim.

This whole week leading up to tomorrow I've been bordering on excited with a large side of nervousness and anxiety. On Wednesday I had my first swim in the reservoir to get a taste of open waters which helped ease some of my anxiety; I know more of what to expect. Tonight, the anxiety has given way to nervous excitement as the full impact of what I'm going to be doing tomorrow hit home.

I'm really going to do this... I really am this CRAZY! *lol*

Boulder Sunset Triathlon: 5 Days and Counting

The Boulder Sunset Triathlon is this Saturday and for the most part I'm feeling ready. I'm not quite as confident as I was going into Bike MS, but since failure isn't an option for me, I'm just going to have to make it through. I'm not planning on trying to win or get a fast time; my only goal is to complete all three phases.

Training wise, I've been focusing primarily on the running part. I've gotten myself up to a point where I feel like I could easily run at least half of the 5k,  the cycling phase should be relatively easy in comparison. The only part I'm not feeling quite as confident in is the swimming, which is ironic because going into training I was very confident in my swimming abilities. I think it's because of the three phases, swimming has not been a priority.

After this event is over, I'm going to have to try and find something else to focus my energies on. I'm hoping to get in one more triathlon before it gets too cold.

Boulder Sunset Triathlon: In the best shape ever

I wouldn't have thought when I was diagnosed with MS two years ago that I would be sitting here today celebrating the fact that I am in THE best physical condition of my life. Honestly, I've never been this physically fit.

Training for the Boulder Sunset Triathlon has been going really well. I have been pushing and challenging myself to the point where I can... get this... run an entire mile without having to stop. I couldn't do that when I was in high school! In fact, I can even run farther than a mile. The 5K part of the triathlon has been the part of the event that I have been looking forward to the least, but I'm starting to really enjoy running and I never thought I would ever say something like that.

Boulder Sunset Triathlon

After training for and completing my one day ride for Bike MS, I immediately started to look ahead at my next challenge. I built up a lot of momentum working towards Bike MS and I didn't want to loose what I'd gained. For me to stay motivated I like having a goal to work towards, a reason to push myself even when I want to quit.

So...

Two Year Anniversary

My two year anniversary of my diagnosis is well... now. This time two years ago I was undergoing test after test all with the hope that it would turn up something other than MS but 99% sure that it was MS.

Wow... two years. I mentioned that to a friend today and the impact of that statement brought tears to my eyes as the weight of what happened hit me like a two ton load of bricks. I was a completely different person back then I don't think I can even recognize that person anymore. Being diagnosed with MS was both one of the worst things to happen to me but also one of the best.

Welcome Back Summer!

Finally off for the summer and I am ready and rearing to go! I for see may hours spent hanging out by the pool soaking up the sun. After all the changes I've been through so far this year I am SO grateful that I get my summer back.

A big issue with MS is heat sensitivity. When I was first diagnosed the heat and the sun became the enemy.  Anything over 70º felt unbearable, and just standing in direct sunlight felt like I was being roasted alive. Before MS I loved summer and heat and sun, it was hard to think that I was never going to enjoy summer anymore.

Bike MS: "I can't believe you did it on mountain bike!"

Okay, I get it, I need a road bike! One of the most common things I heard on the ride yesterday was... "I can't believe your doing this on a mountain bike! Your like working twice as hard as the rest of us!"

What can I say... I like doing things the hard way. *lol*

T-Minus 4 Hours: Time to Nut up or Shut up

Here we go...

I'm packed and ready to head up to Fort Collins. Jeremy and I are going to go out and have breakfast together and then I am ready to roll. I am anticipating that once I get going it's going to take between three or four hours to complete the course which will put my completion time between noon and 1 o'clock. Speed isn't the point, completion is...

I spent all day yesterday and all night itching to ride so badly. Say I can't do something, or in this case shouldn't, and thats all I wanna do fortunately that can only help me at this point.

Not much else to say... I do want to thank everyone who's cheered me on and supported me through this journey. I really want to thank my friends Beth and Leslie for going out and riding with me and especially Beth who got me over my aversion to hills of any kind. I also want to thank my family, especially Jeremy, who sacrificed weekends going out and doing things so I could train.

Well... time to hit the road. It's GO time!

T-Minus 18 hours and Counting: Waiting Sucks

Tomorrow morning is Bike MS, check-in starts at 8 a.m. and the ride starts at 9:30. I've done just about everything I can do to be prepared and all I can do now is sit and wait for tomorrow.

Waiting Sucks! I am so antsy and edgy right now, it's hard to sit still. I really want to go for a ride, but I need to take it easy today and save my energy for tomorrow. All of this pent up edginess will be beneficial tomorrow, but I'm about ready to jump out of my skin.

All week people asked if I was getting excited and I was kind of.. 'Eh' but now the excitement is kicking in and now that I really shouldn't ride that's all I want to do.

This is going to be a very loooong night.

T-Minus 3 Days: The End is Near

Wow, after almost two months of training, the time has come to put my wheels where my mouth is and get this ride done. I've spent the past three weeks working like crazy to get my mileage up to the point where I can do 40 miles in an afternoon. Honestly, I'm not really worried about not making it through Bike MS, at least not physically... my bike may be another matter.

Last Sunday I set off for one last really long training ride only to have my bike chain fall off and get stuck against my bike frame while riding up a particularly gnarly hill. How I managed to do that, I have no idea, but a couple of friendly and helpful cyclists stopped and helped me get my chain out but my bike still wasn't road worthy until I got a new chain. So... I get a new chain and get it put on only to have it fall off *AGAIN* after riding to work on Tuesday. Fortunately it didn't get stuck and I managed to fix it myself (go me!). I don't know what is going on with all these chain issues but I just hope I get them all out of the way before Saturday.

This week... my training schedule is really light. Now is not the time to push but take it easy and reserve my strength for the ride. I can't stop cold turkey, but no more 20-30 mile jaunts around town and to Boulder. Lets face it... if I wasn't ready by now, I wasn't going to be ready by Saturday. However, I AM ready and as this weekend is approaching... I'm excited but also a little nervous. Not riding is making me a little antsy, which is kinda good because I will be more than ready to hit the road on Saturday.

I know I can do this...

Looking back, this has been an incredible journey. Starting off with making the decision that I wanted to challenge myself physically, to the incredible amount of training I underwent, to a major attitude shift towards a high level of physical activity... I'm not the same person I start off being. I am really glad and proud that my first major test of physical strength and endurance is going to be for MS. This condition kicked my ass when I was first diagnosed. It threatened to rob me of so much, and I think it's poetic justice that I use Bike MS to rob multiple sclerosis of its power over me.

When I first started this journey, there were some people who wondered if this was going to be too much for me. Was I putting my health at risk? They weren't wrong to have concerns... but for me that was the whole point of doing this, not to make myself sick but to go beyond the supposed limitations of MS. What I learned was that the limitations I had, I'd set for myself, and the moment I let go of the self imposed limitations there really wasn't anything I couldn't do. I learned that I had used MS as a crutch for not doing things; it was a convenient excuse to get out of a lot of things I don't like doing. Sometimes I would catch myself not pulling my weight and start to go... I have MS so I can't... then I'd stop and remind myself that I had no excuse, if I could ride 30 miles to Boulder in an afternoon, I can carry the big gigantic bag of dog food from the car into the house.

There is no crutch anymore...

So, here I am at the cusp of a major feat that I've work so hard to get to and there is no fear or doubt, just determination. I will make it across that finish line come Saturday.

I want to thank everyone who has helped me by making a donation to the National MS Society in my name. It really means a lot to me. If anyone hasn't had a chance to make a donation you can go to my donation page and donate. Any amount is appreciated, and the money goes towards helping those of us inflicted by MS get care and support that is needed.

T-Minus 21 Days: Failure is not an option

When I first thought about doing Bike MS, my thought was... "I'm going to attempt the challenge." A healthy attitude towards a major physical feat. However, over the past several weeks my attitude towards riding isn't really "I'll try" but "I will".  I will ride Bike MS, and I will complete the 40 miles.

Today I rode into Boulder for the first time ever. I needed to rev up my training by going for longer distances and riding to Boulder was a perfect step up. When I planned my route my mindset wasn't... "I'm going to try to make it to Boulder." I had just decided that I was going to go and ride to my favorite coffee shop, it never once occurred to me that I wasn't going to succeed.

When I rode into Boulder proper, I felt this major sense of accomplishment; I'd met a major personal goal.

Let me just say, the ride in wasn't easy. I spent most of the ride on dirt trails with LOTS of hills. Not much fun but GREAT conditioning for my body; it made riding on pavement seem like cake. Riding back was a lot easier... a lot more down hill, I was more familiar with the route, and since I'd already made it to Boulder there was absolutely no question that I wasn't going to make it home.

Failure is not an option... Even if I am the last person to cross the finish like on the 25th, I will make it the full 40 miles come hell or high water.


For me, the most important thing about Bike MS isn't the money I raised, or going the distance... it's knowing that no matter what happens in my future, I will be able to fight my way back. I did it once, and look where I'm at now...

No, failure is NOT an option.

T-Minus 28 Days: A Whole Different Person

Okay... it's 8 a.m. I have the next few days off before summer session starts and here I am up dressed, and ready to hit the road on my bike. Training for Bike MS has been so great, it's like I'm a whole new person lately.

One of the reasons I wanted to do this was as a way to motivate me to exercise more and help me loose more weight. I can work out easily, no problem, but without a specific goal I don't tend to push myself too hard. Training for and riding in Bike MS is beneficial on many levels. It's going to be kind of sad when it's done and I don't have that goal to work towards, I may have to find another thing to work towards.

So...

I have been toying with the idea of doing a triathlon except that I cannot run, never have been able to... I can ride (obviously) and I can swim (like a fish), but I can't run to save my life. Seriously, if zombies were chasing us, they'd get me first. It wouldn't even worth it for me to try running away, most likely I'd just take one for the team and let other people get away while the zombies eat me up.

However, I have in inkling that if I asked really REALLY nicely, my friend Beth might try to change my outlook on running. She seemed to find it amusing, when I told her that I hated riding uphill, and told me that she was going to change that.

Well...  I don't hate hills anymore. I can take them now without feeling like I'm going to die, and while my new bike plays a big role in that, it's all the work I've put in that I think has had the biggest impact.

Okay so the kids are up, breakfast is eaten... it's time to grab my gear and hit the road...

T-Minus 32 Days and Counting until Bike MS

Now if only the weather would be somewhat consistent so I can do my training rides...

I have to say I love my job, I enjoy going to work in the morning and I love my rides however, I do not love riding to work. I dunno why but it just feels like a chore when I try riding into work. It's not a hard route or strenuous but whenever I do it I feel like my rear end is dragging three feet behind me all day. However, I can put in a full days work and come home and hop on my bike with no issues what so ever.

Just about a month until Bike MS and I'm a little worried about training. It's been really rainy here for the past couple of weeks which have interrupted our scheduled rides and then last week I was hit with a serious bout of fatigue that was reminiscent of when the MS was active and making itself known and felt. I'm hoping that it was just exhaustion and burn out as the school year comes to a close and not... well you know...

Today was a great day, the sun came out, I wasn't fatigued... After work I rode for about an hour with no problems which was when I came to the conclusion that I won't try riding to work anymore but save my rides for the afternoon since that just seems to be better for me. (I still don't get that) Hopefully the weather will allow me to continue riding in the afternoons so I can get the training hours and mileage I need before the ride.

48 Days to Bike MS

Today I got my first taste of what it's like riding with heat involved. During the week I go for at least two short training rides with my trainer Beth and other co-workers and on the weekend I'm supposed to go out on longer rides. So today I dragged my sister in law out and we went for a long ride along the Greenway... 20+ miles all told. When we started it was warm but comfortable out however as the day progressed the temperature rose to 80 degrees or so.

I knew that of all the obstacles along the way to Bike MS, heat was going to be a big one. The longer I rode in the heat and the more tired I became, and I had to keep reminding myself that I needed to push through because I need to get used to riding when it's hot. Heat is the only thing about Bike MS that I'm genuinely worried about... MS makes me heat sensitive and if I'm not careful I could make myself seriously sick.

Riding today was good experience...

I think that what I did well was;
* I drank LOTS of water. I have a backpack with a large water pouch and a hose so I had ready access to water when I needed.
* I came prepared with snacks. Riding long distances with the kids, I just get used to bringing food along.
* I rested when I needed, especially towards the end of the ride.

Somethings I'm going to need as it gets warmer;
* A biking jersey with pockets in the back to put ice packs into to help cool my body.
* I need to remember to add LOTS of ice to my water.
* Some kind of visor or something for my helmet to help keep the sun from beating on my face.

Overall I had a great ride. Once I was able to cool my body temperature down I felt great, not worn out or exhausted. One thing that I am especially proud of was being able to tackle and successfully beat a monster hill that had, in times past, gotten the better of me. I feel stronger. Once I get some good strategies in place to manage the heat and my body temperature I'll be well on my way towards successfully completing Bike MS.

As always... donations are appreciated... Contribute towards my ride.

Sitting on the Spectrum

Back when I was starting to get fit and drop weight I came to the realization that my MS is on the Autism Spectrum. Anytime I made a major change with my body, the MS starts to freak out. At the beginning of the year I started incorporating more exercise and activity into my routine and right after I started, my left hand went numb and stayed that way for about a month.

This is a pattern that has repeated itself over and over since I've been diagnosed. The moment I made a significant change my body would go all wonky. The difference in this round was the fact that I;

A.) I didn't freak out
B.) I pushed through and didn't back down

Despite the annoyance of having a numb hand I kept going and eventually my body adjusted and everything went back to normal.

Lately, since I've started my training, I've noticed more weakness on my left side. Once again, I make a change and my body freaks out. It's frustrating, annoying, and it means that I have to work harder to push through. It also means that it's important that I take my training slow and not push myself too hard too fast because the last thing I want is to shock my body so much that I wont be able to train because things don't work right.

This is MS... One day your fine and the next day something changes and you have no way of predicting what and when or how badly.

53 days until Bike MS and I'm at hurdle #1. Push through and get my body used to the new routine.

I want to thank everyone who has donated and contributed to my ride. I've met my $400 minimum fundraising goal which means that I will be able to ride. However, that's still not quite enough... all the money raised through fundraising goes towards research and hopefully a cure. So please, if you haven't had a chance to donate yet, please take a look at my Bike MS page. Any little bit helps to bring those of us with MS a step closer to a cure, and helps improve the quality of life for those who have been hit hard by this condition.

Bike MS Training... Day One

Yesterday I officially started training for Bike MS.  I my co-workers, who are training with me, and I got together afterwork and rode for about an hour. I was pleasantly surprised at how well I felt I did... when we were done I still felt like I could go on for longer.

I kept thinking through out our ride that I could totally do this... ride Bike MS.

I am so raring to go...  I find that I have to keep reminding myself to take it easy and not over do things. Things seem easy now but that can change as the weather warms up. My goal for the next few weeks is to get my body conditioned to riding the terrain and hope that heat wont be too big of an issue.

Remember... Anyone who wants to contribute towards my ride can do so online at:
My Bike MS donation page

Only 59 days left to go...

Happy BIrthday to Me!

Okay... Not really but it will be next week.

For my birthday and in honor of my upcoming Bike MS ride in June, we picked out a new... snazzier... bike for me. I had been wanting to upgrade my old, cheapo, bike ever since the family and I have been going on longer and longer weekend rides.

So... I've got this great new bike that I'm itching to take out for a spin and wouldn't you know... it's snowing out today! However, I'm so jazzed about my bike that I may go out anyway.

While I'm on the topic of riding... Training for Bike MS starts officially on Tuesday. I have an awesome friend at work who's offered to help me train and get ready for the ride. In addition to her help, many of my other work friends are training with me even though they aren't going to be riding the actual ride. It's going to make getting ready a lot of fun and we're all going to get fit together.

I'm actually really excited to do the ride. It's another affirmation... I do this because I can and nothing is going to hold me back. The distance... the terrain... even the heat of summer... None of those things intimidate me or make me feel worried that maybe I won't make it; I'm just eager to get started.

I'm still looking for donations towards my ride. The money raised in this event goes towards research to help find ways to make living with MS easier and maybe... one day... lead to the discovery of a cure. I'm fortunate that right now my MS has gotten to a point where I can lead a normal life, but there are hundreds of others who have not been as fortunate.

MS is unpredictable... One day your fine, on top of the world, but the next day you could wake up in the morning and barely move. It's horrible feeling as though your body is slowly betraying you. One of the worst things about MS is that it commonly strikes people in the prime of their lives; it's not fair to be 34 and have this... ax... hanging over my head ready to rob me of my cognitive and motor functioning.

When you're living with MS, you live for today because you never know what your life will be tomorrow.

I ride because today... I can.

Please help my cause by donating towards my ride:
My MS Fundraising Page

Riding Towards a Cure

Since coming to terms with having MS, I've been... appreciating my mobility. For many people with MS, mobility is something that slowly deteriorates as the condition progresses; if your  nerves aren't working right they can't send all the correct signals that make your body function as it should.

If you don't use it, you lose it... and as hard as it was to get going, I see how important it has been that I've gotten my activity levels up and how keeping those levels high can play a key role is staving off mobility loss in the future. The stronger hold I get over my body, the harder it will be to lose control of it... at least thats what I've been telling myself.

Which brings me to my latest... adventure.

The more active I've become that more active I want to get, and the more I want to challenge myself. Five years ago, WAY before I was diagnosed or even thought there was a possibility I would every have MS, I registered to do the 50 mile, two day, walk into D.C. I worked hard and trained to do the walk however I fell short of my fundraising requirements and was unable to participate.

The irony isn't lost on me...

Coming up in June there is a Bike MS challenge. The challenge is to ride either  two-days/150 miles or one day/40 miles and I had been thinking for a while that if I could get myself into good physical condition that I should try and tackle one of those rides. Initially I was thinking of trying it out next year but I have since been compelled to push myself to make a run of it this year, opting for the one day/40 mile ride.

The goal of the challenge is to raise awareness and money for MS and that, in and of itself, is a worthy feat. However, for me, this ride is something way more important. One of the worst things about having MS is feeling helpless. You're at the mercy of your own body and whether or not it's going to cooperate, and there isn't anything you can really do to fight. Riding this challenge, for me, is my way of combating MS. It feels like I'm doing more than just living one day at a time, that I'm contributing... something.

So, I'm signed up to ride provided that I can meet my fundraising goal this time around. I have good reason to believe that I will and it isn't just the increased motivation of having MS...

When I posted on Facebook my idea to train and ride in Bike MS I was greeted by overwhelming support; everyone was cheering me on and encouraging me to sign up and go for it. What surprised me and touched me the most were my co-workers who... without prompting... asked if they could join me and form a team and help support me on the ride.

Outside of family, I don't think I have ever felt so supported. I am so blessed that I work with such an amazing team of people and I know that with their help and the help of my family I'm going to not only be able to meet this challenge... I will concur it and will have done my part, as small as it maybe, towards finding a cure.

Anyone who would like to contribute towards my ride can do so at:
My Bike MS page

Getting Busy Living

When I was diagnosed with MS almost two years ago I spent a lot of time feeling very sorry for myself. I felt like life as I knew it was over and all I was in for was slowing becoming disabled. However, a series of events unfolded over the past year that started changing my perspective.

The biggest event was when I ended up in the hospital last winter and had the very real concern that I would be disabled; losing the feeling in my hands, unable to go back to my job. That was a really hard time for me, because I didn't know what I was going to do. I couldn't go on disability, I had a finite period of time where I was still getting paid by the school and then unemployment which would pay next to nothing. I had to think about what I wanted to do from that point on; find my new place in the world.

So, I dyed my hair pink and set off to find... myself and amazingly enough I found it back in the school district that I had left when I relapsed. I went to work for a school who's programing I believed in 100% working with amazing kids, where I am apart of a team where my voice and my thoughts actually matter. My work is hard and stressful but rewarding, I get to work with the best group of people I've ever worked with, and... I get to keep my pink hair!

For years I've believed that everything happens for a reason. Good or bad, there is a purpose to the events that happen in your life; even if that purpose isn't known right away. I could go through a litany of event that brought me to where I am now, but I think that it's kind of obvious if you really think about it.

I started this blog to write about what it was like living with MS, but what it became more about whining about having MS than living. Over the past six months I stopped whining and really started living; which explains the significant gap between this post and the last.

Just recently, I had an experience where there was a strong likely hood that I was going to have be in difficult position where I wasn't comfortable nor felt qualified to be in. I remember feeling a rush of panic at the idea but right after the panic I felt calm. In that moment I'd accepted that if it came down to it, I'd step up and take the reins no matter how hard it was going to be because that was what had to be done. Fortunately, I didn't have to be put into that situation, but it reminded me of other times I was put in almost impossible situations.

Its sad to say, but I've been through a lot worse than being diagnosed with MS and every time I pulled through, no matter how difficult or impossible things felt at the time. Looking back, I couldn't say how I managed to pull through because I'm not in those moments anymore, I can only say that I hunkered down and did what had to be done going one day at a time because that was the only thing I could do. It occurs to me that I'd forgotten about that part of myself; the part that pushes through no matter how hard things get.

I spent a year and a half being angry and depressed about the diagnosis and during that time I was sinking. I think going into the hospital showed me what my future was going to be like if I stayed in that 'pour me' mindset and I didn't like what I saw. So, I started to fight back more productively, and little by little I started taking back what MS was stealing away.

At the start of this year I started taking more drastic steps in my determination not to cede any more ground to this condition. I'd gotten back everything I'd lost the previous year but it was time to step it up a few notices starting with my weight. I joined Weight Watchers, began working out, and started losing weight. Initially, the MS rebelled and tried throwing up blocks against the changes I was making but I pushed through and have gotten to a point where I have almost no symptoms of MS at all. I've lost 30 pounds so far and I have been more active in the past three months that I'd been in years.

Its taken nearly two years but I am finally living with MS... or more accurately, MS is living with me because I'm going to be the one calling all the shots in this relationship.