Good-Bye Dr. M

I do not like my current neurologist. Honestly I've never liked her; from the moment she first stepped into the exam room she and I didn't click. First she was judgmental about my weight, then indifferent to how I was feeling when it came to the pain and neuropathy, and finally she doesn't listen to my issues around the medication. The list can go on and on, but those are the main issues.

Now, you could ask why, if I never liked her, have I stayed with her practice for two years?

Good question... The answer would probably be that I don't like going to see doctors in general, so I've never really put too much effort in finding ones I like. Sometimes I'm lucky and I find a great doctor with out trying very hard, such as our family physician. Other times I'm indifferent because I will honestly avoid going to see a doctor, even one I like, unless it is absolutely necessary. I guess it didn't occur to me when I was first experiencing the MS symptoms that I would have to find a doctor I could live with for over the long haul, all I cared about at the time was figuring what was going on and how to stop it.

So... I've spent the past two years with a neurologist I can sort of tolerate but with whom I have no connection. Professionally she's probably a great doctor, she has a successful practice which means other people seem to like her, but I can't say that I trust her or have much faith in her advice.

I had my six month check up with her yesterday and received the much anticipated lecture over the ills of not taking my injectables. Sure everything else I've been doing was great but I have to take the injectables, and in response to my objections that my shots makes me feel like a sick person she prescribes me another type of injectable. At this point I stop trying to talk with her and allow her to lecture me and brow beat me into agreeing to sign up for another drug. I accept the new orders she's written for blood work to make sure that the new medication isn't going to trash my liver or thyroid and the snazzy new information kit that promises to tell me everything I ever wanted to know about my new drug. Then she tells me to make an appointment to come back in two months and she's on her way.

As I leave the office with my 'goodies', I tell the receptionist that I will have to call back after checking my schedule *bullshit*. I can feel the tears building up in the corners of my eyes and by the time I'm back in my car I can't hold them back. More often than not, I leave my neurologist's office in tears and this time was no exception. I drove home trying to get a grip on myself so that the kids wouldn't see that I was upset.

That was when I got pissed.

I was furious with her for being her and with myself for not having the courage to stand up to her and tell her that what I was feeling even if she couldn't give a crap. When I got home, my snazzy new information kit when straight into the trash along with the orders for blood work she wanted. That was it, I was done! I will not set foot into her office again which means it's now time to find a new doctor.