Creative Affirmations

About five months after my initial MS diagnosis, my symptoms and the MS as a whole took a drastic turn for the worst. Instead of some numbness and tingling in my legs and torso, I started losing feeling in my hands and fingers; I could barely type let alone hold a pencil or do any fine detail work of any kind.

The idea of the MS going into my hands was absolutely terrifying. I've always been able to express myself using my hands, making things from bead work to drawing and lately origami. My hands are my most important asset, and if I lost the ability to use them... I don't know, I think I'd loose my mind.

Lately, that period of time has been on my mind more. I'm not experiencing anything with my hands currently, but I have been worried about the cognitive impact that MS has had on me. Writing has been a struggle lately, like an area of my brain that I used to be able to tap into easily is blocked off or, to use the latest flooding as an analogy, been washed out by the MS and I haven't been able to rebuild.

I've been so proud of the physical accomplishments that I've made, but I'm worried that while I can still walk and run and ride a bike... my mind is slowly rotting away and I don't know how to fight it.

When I first started losing feeling in my hands, I sat down and created a drawing...

My first affirmation, drawn from a photograph
of my son reading a story with his aunt.
©Sabrina Ehlert 2010

 This drawing was my self affirmation that I wasn't going to let MS take my hands.

Pink and Yellow Rose  © Sabrina Ehlert 2012

After that drawing I started working on another that was really delicate and tedious and took me almost two years to finish, but it too was another affirmation to not let the MS win.

 That piece has turned into a series of pieces that  I'm calling, "I Never Promised You A Rose Garden" and I'm hoping I will eventually be able to show through my local artist group.

Orange Rose ©Sabrina Ehlert 2013

All three of the roses have been created using colored Sharpies and consist entirely of dots. Ultimately I'd like to get to five roses all different sizes and colors, and possibly at least one done on canvas with oils.

I'm hoping that working on these pieces, coupled with my upcoming Tysabri treatments will help rebuild some pathways and unblock my writing.

This is a work in progress. I started this a couple of months ago